RESPECT FOR OTHERS

What differs human beings from animals is civil behaviour, the basis of which is having self-respect and respect for others. The former one has already been discussed with you in the first term and now let us focus on having respect for others. We all live in a complex world changing at such a fast pace that it seems we need to grasp every second in order to keep abreast with it. We focus more on our daily life and excuse ourselves for ignoring some of the etiquettes our ancestors advocated and yet we regard them as trivial. Greetings such as “Hi!”, “Hello!”, “Good morning!” or “Good afternoon!” are seldom heard nowadays. We often demand more from others rather than doing reflections on our poor manners. “Please!” and “Thank you!” are rarely uttered for the respective services requested and offered. Consequently our egos are boosted and poor interpersonal relationships result. As evidenced in the recent sagas on demonstrations and LegCo meetings, foul languages, disrespects and rude manners can be seen in every corner of our community. Complaints and violence are now trying to find their roots in our culture causing instability and chaos in the society. There is an outcry for maintaining civility and we, as educated and responsible individuals, should play our part to practise good manners so as to maintain a harmonious world we all treasure.

Undoubtedly we are not lonely animals but live together in a community. Our life builds upon the interconnectedness with the people around, whether they are acquaintances, friends or relatives. Needless to say, keeping a good relationship with others makes our lives easier and having good manners is a must for being socially competent. In a speech on “Ethical Action and Relational Competence - Why Manners and Civility are Good” by Dr. P.M. Forni of John Hopkins University in the United States, who is the author of “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct”, he said, “It is largely through having good manners that we put into everyday practice the Principle of Respect for Persons - the principle upon which ethical systems are built. It is through them that we become ethical agents. Civility and manners are kinds of goodness. As we act ethically, we transcend but also nurture ourselves. The quality of our own lives improves together with the quality of the lives we improve. Self-interest and altruism find a way to converge in the practice of civility. Kindness makes life better for those who give it and those who receive it.”

Being civil, the first step we have to do is to show our respect to others as all human beings are equal in dignity and rights. To begin with, make yourself presentable with a neat and positive outlook. Properly dressed shows that you respect the occasion whereas sloppily dressed sends to other people a bad message that “I don’t care”. Wear a smile on your face showing that you are friendly and happy about yourself, and make other people feel happy too, thus preventing others from thinking that you are indifferent or grudging. Acknowledge people’s presence by greeting them politely and warmly. Be nice not only to your old pals but also to those who have wronged you accidentally or deliberately. It seems hard for you to forgive your enemies but only through forgiving, you liberate yourself by burying the bad feelings forever and move on. When someone is in need of help, show a helping hand. Being considerate and showing empathy join hand in hand in respecting for others. By putting yourself into other people’s shoes, you see the light you may not see from your own perspective and understand why they behave that way. Be a good listener. Keep eye contact and listen attentively showing that you care. Do not interrupt but wait patiently for your turn. As a matter of fact in communication, you listen and others also listen to you. This sort of sharing often ends in good relationship.

Punctuality is another important attitude of showing respect. It shows that you value other people’s time as much as your own. When making appointments, do not compel others to a schedule inconvenient to them as it is unfair and inconsiderate. Allow yourself sufficient time for travel in order to arrive on time to a meeting. If you are late, ask for an excuse by making a call first and promise to be punctual next time. When making telephone calls, be polite to ask the other side whether it is convenient to receive them or else keep them short and up to the point. Moreover, once you are committed to an assignment, it is your responsibility to complete it on time. Otherwise you are wasting the time of both parties. Many people like to jam in a queue for their own convenience. However, this is a rude behaviour as they steal the time of those queuing up behind. Demanding immediate attention in an office is equally bad showing that you are selfish and cavalier.

Another important point you need to take note is to respect other people’s space. Allow some space between you and other people when facing each other. Standing too close makes others feel uneasy as if you are confronting with or intimidating them. Keep your voice low in public places to respect the tranquility and peace of others as noise bothers people and disturbs the environment. Though you may be in a hurry, do not squeeze yourself into an already full elevator or bus. It is interesting to note that there is a personal territory for each of us including our body and physical space around us. We feel uncomfortable and think there is a lack of respect if someone intrudes into our predetermined personal boundary without permission. Watch the uneasy signals of body language such as withdrawal or rejection and realize that you are offending other people’s privacy and territories. When coming into a room, knock on the door to show your presence and request for permission before you enter. At home you should respect the privacy of your family members. Do not peep into their diaries, emails or letters. When visiting your friend’s house, be sure that you behave properly and do not make a mess of it and a fool of yourself.

Different people have different opinions. It is not uncommon to have conflicting views due to differences in culture and values. Respecting other people’s opinion is significant in showing others our gentleman-like manner as it prevents the building up of a tense atmosphere in discussions. This does not mean that you have to accept the other people's viewpoints you may not agree to. Sometimes it is bitter for us to face the criticisms or challenges to our opinions. All we need to understand is that the spearhead is not pointing at us personally but is targeting merely on the matters discussed. Thus we can stay calm and defend our own rationally. Clarification of misunderstandings can then be made and both parties can see their stances clearly based on their own arguments without making any erosion to the relationship. All these require self-control, tolerance, fairness, sincerity, empathy and humility. When someone says “No” to your invitation, respect his decision and do not feel offended. Do not demand for an explanation but simply say politely that it would be your honour to have him joining next time.

To conclude, I want to make another quote from Dr. Forni who believes that behind the prevailing bafflement, indifference and despair in our society emphasizing on individualism and egocentricity, there is a silver lining. “One thing we can do is act upon the realization that the quality of our lives depends upon our ability to relate and connect. Harmonious and caring relationships foster a happy life. In order to build such relationships, we need the respect, consideration, and kindness that we easily grant to and receive from our fellow humans when we are civil.”

REFERENCES:
Forni, P.M. (2003). Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct St. Martin's Griffin.
Choosing Civility | Dr. P.M. Forni | Oprah