SELF-LEADERSHIP IV: WIN-WIN OR ALL LOSE? THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Human beings are interesting social species. When people interact, different outcomes may result. Whether it ends harmoniously or controversially depends on how the players perceive a situation. Needless to say, the debating policy issue related to the Hong Kong Section of Guangzhou-Shenzhen-Hong Kong Express Rail Link in the recent saga of the Legislative Council is a typical example of conflicting views. Some people regard it as a financial burden to the economy of Hong Kong whilst other people see it as a chance for its prosperity. The major difference in perception is that the former group has the scarcity mentality whereas the latter group has the abundance mentality. The scarcity mentality often leads people to believe that the resources in a community or in this world are limited and people need to compete for more. The implanting idea of the “Survival for the Fittest” causes them to pose the “I win and you lose” or “You win and I lose” attitude. The losing party thus treats its loss as something personal and demonstrates its frustration through destructive or violent actions as fighting back. Unfortunately it often ends in an all losers’ game as depicted in the Chinese parable “The Fight between a Snipe and an Oyster”. As neither one of them would yield in the fight, both of them were snatched by a fisherman passing by. What a tragedy it is! However, the abundance mentality leads people to believe that the world is full of opportunities and everyone can reap his/her own fruits for success. This positive thinking helps people portray themselves with the win-win attitude. Wouldn’t the world be more wonderful and harmonious if everyone exhibits such win-win attitude when dealing with one another.

According to Dr. Stephen Covey, "A win-win mindset is a frame of mind and heart that continuously seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying." When such resolution is reached, all parties would feel good about it and make commitments to the agreements. One doesn’t need to sacrifice one’s stance to please the others. In fact, this mindset fosters a co-operative but not a competitive arena for all parties concerned. Consequently one can win more friends and build up better social connections instead of creating more enemies and troubles for oneself.

In the 21st Century, there anticipates to have more frequent challenges as compared to the past. Globalization, cultural diversity, widening gap of economy between the developed and the developing countries, environmental pollutions, etc. would be the major issues of conflicts. Definitely it will be your turn to deal with these problems in the next few decades. As a young leader of tomorrow, you need to cultivate this win-win mindset so as to promote a harmonious world. Its building blocks are positive thinking, having empathy, being calm and patient, and having respect for other people. Positive thinking gives you an abundance mentality believing that there is enough to share among all stakeholders. It opens up more possibilities and creates more options and alternatives. Having empathy is to put yourself in the soles of others empowering you to understand their situations, feelings and motives from their perspectives. It seeks for mutual understanding, active listening, open communications and nurture of good relationships. Resolving conflicts can be a complex, lengthy and tedious process of negotiation. Only by keeping yourself calm and patient, you can prevent yourself from being overwhelmed by emotions like fear, anxiety, frustration or tension. You can then be more objective and rational without losing your bearings when discussing about the issues. When interacting with others, it is vital to have respect for the other players. Respect leads to positive behavior without shaming, intimidating, embarrassing or degrading your opponents. In many situations, it is easier to resolve the problems without involving personal matters. Hence, being in a clear state of mind, you can probe into the root problems, think logically, build rapport and work towards a common goal without feeling stressed. In this way, decisions can be made sensibly and consensus can be more easily reached.

With win-win being set in the frame of your mind, you would adopt a more effective strategy and be more proactive in action when dealing with conflicts. What you have gained is not only a happy ending but also improved personal relationship, broader social connections, stronger self-esteem and higher professional achievements.

REFERENCES:
Covey, S. (1998). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens: The Ultimate Teenage Success Guide Fireside.
Covey, S.R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Free Press.